Turning 11
My sweet Alyssa,
The time has come again to reflect on the past year of having your gentle, sweet presence in our lives. You will be 11 in a few days. ELEVEN. How on earth has the time flown from diapers and sippey cups, to deodorant and training bras? So many things have changed over the last 11 years. Watching you grow and learn and experience a new beginning with each new adventure has been so fun, exciting and rewarding for me and your daddy.
You have real zest for adventure under that shy exterior that I hope you will hang onto when life throws you curve balls. Sometimes when you are feeling down or frustrated in life, that is when you least feel up to trying something new, a new adventure, and yet when you need it the most. God gives us new experiences to help us see Him in new, beautiful ways. We learn and grow through these experiences and we often find a new reason to get at it, working hard and moving forward.
I love to see your eyes dancing and your sweet, shy smile disappear into something more dazzling when you are excited about something new. That is one thing that has not changed and I hope never will. I think your eyes dance and glow the most when you are with horses. These sweet, gentle creatures have helped touch a part of you that nothing and no one else seems to be able to be part of with you. Some people look an entire lifetime for something to be passionate about. You found it when you were not even 2 and it was the real deal.
The last few years have been overwhelmingly hard for us baby. We have had a lot of sickness and grief, more than seems fair many days. I know that losing Bapoo was hard on you in a way that was different than for anyone else. He was your everything and he loved YOU so much. You WERE his Lyssaboo. I can still hear his voice when he would see you or talk to you on the phone. He would say "Hey there my Lyssaboo!" in his happy, enthusiastic voice. He was also SO excited to see you. He was so, so very proud of you. He still would be, even more so now baby. You have been so strong Alyssa and shown such grace in the midst of so much grief and heartache. I want you to know though that I KNOW it still hurts and that you still miss him. I hope you will remember him and hold on to the memories of him and how special he was. You will not meet many men as special as your Bapoo and Daddy Max were Alyssa. We are amazingly blessed to have had two such men in our lives as fathers and role models. So few families will ever have such a blessing. Treasure the lessons learned from him and the memories. When you get older you will find that you need them to guide you through times when your path is not clear for you.
In spite of the hard times, your daddy has also been an incredibly amazing man. I hope one day you will understand the amazing sacrifice he has made for us for years on end. He works so hard and is often exhausted. He does it because he loves us so much Alyssa. He wants to be able to go and do things that will create life-long memories for us. He works so that we have what we need and want beyond our basic needs. Its hard on all of us for me and your daddy to work so much. I know its sometimes hard for you and Levi to understand. When we have opportunities to go and do things that create amazing memories of adventures we have as a family, THAT is why we have to work so hard. We want you and Levi to grow up knowing that you were loved. You were worth the late nights, the long weekends, the hard work and the long hours. We are doing it because we LOVE you and we want the best for you and your brother. Your daddy is one of the most thoughtful men I have ever known. He plans for things that he knows will be meaningful and fun for all of us. I wish I had his gene. My gene gets stuck in work mode and without him I might get stuck there forever! Your daddy understands and needs to have breaks for us and I think you would agree that we have had some truly amazing memories together. Just in the last year alone we have gone to the beach, Great Wolf Lodge, Snow Tubing, and done countless things around home that are just for us. Just so we can enjoy each other and be thankful for the time we have together. When you lose someone you love dearly, like we have lost so many in the last few years, you realize that THESE moments together are what matter most.
These times together are important for so many reasons. One is to bond us and bind our family ties together so that build our relationships together and love and support each other. Another reason, perhaps even more important, is that the times we spend together will sustain you and help you stay grounded when you face hard times in your life Alyssa. You should be confident that you have what it takes to make it through tough times. You have already weathered many storms in your short life baby. Let those hard times be a source of comfort and peace to you when you face new challenges. Let the memories and bonds of those who love you help you to know that you ARE loved and will ALWAYS be loved and supported, NO MATTER WHAT.
So you are turning 11. What will happen in the next year? No one can tell but I can guess at a few things... I would be you will begin to feel confused about your own feelings some days. Your hormones will make you feel crazy some days. One minute you will laughing your head off and the next you will want to bawl your eyes out. And you won't even know why. Ahhh....sweetie. You are just becoming a young lady. Some days that is not so fun. Your body will continue to grow and change and there is a high chance you will hit puberty this year. You might not always like the changes you see and feel in yourself. Sometimes you won't even know why. Its okay. Talk to me whenever you need to sweetie. I will ALWAYS want to know how you are feeling and what your needs are. I will do whatever I can to help you through it. Your daddy will too.
Your friends will also be going through a lot of these changes. They will also be feeling the same confusion and frustration at times. People react differently when they experience change and sometimes they handle well and other times they do not. You might not understand why they are acting the way they do. At times you might not agree (nor should you) with how they are behaving. The years ahead will probably bring a lot of this and more to your head and your heart. While it is hard, and confusing, it is also completely normal. This is when the bonds you have made with our family and your true friends will be most helpful to you. They will help you to remember who YOU are and who you are meant to be. As Aunt Cheryl said to me last weekend about you and your friends. If you seek the Lord's will, HE will ALWAYS give you the friends you need that will love you and honor your beliefs. I think you have chosen so well with Abby. He sent her to you as a friend. Can you tell that God knows what He is doing? He gave you a best friend who loves animals, who has a baby sibling, who has strict parents, who is gentle, sweet, kind and considerate and who LOVES you back. He did good didn't he? :)
As you enter this new year of being 11, I hope you will always remember that we only ever what is BEST for you Alyssa. It might not always be what you want. Sometimes when you are growing up, what you want might not always be what is BEST for you and as your parents, we have to learn to know the difference and guide you and discipline you so that you can learn how to care best for yourself. One day, you will be on your own and you will be raising kids of your own. You need to know how to make the right decisions. So we have to help with that now. Does that make sense to you? You are growing so fast. You are so beautiful, both inside and out. I hope you will always be that way. I hope you will always remember that The Lord who lives in your heart is what gives you the beauty you have - both inside and out. He is who makes you gentle, kind and true. Trust Him baby. Trust Him to guide you and be there for you, even when we are not with you in your day to day trials. HE will ALWAYS be there. He know better than we can ever know what the desires and needs of your heart are. Confide in Him and give your heart and joys and hurts to Him on a daily basis. When you do, all the hard days with friends, with school, with confusion and pain - they will take care of themselves because HE will help you get through it.
I am so proud of you sweetie. I am so proud of how you have begun to show your baby brother what a loving older sister is. You have begun to be a model for him and have had some fun times with him. I know he still annoys you, but he is growing up too. One day you will both look back on the fun memories we have as a family, and you and Levi will be the only two people in the world who understand what it was like to be one of our family and to share those memories. It will be very special to you both. Cherish that. Learn to love him and treasure your relationship with him. You will need each other in life baby.
I love you sweetheart. You are so special, so precious. Happy Birthday baby.
Love,
Mama
________________________________________________________________
