Turning 9
My sweet Lyssaboo,
Saturday you will be 9 years old. NINE. I had to explain to you yesterday that in one more year you will reach double digits in your age. That is a once in a lifetime milestone. You got a huge grin on your face. You are SO ready to be teenager. Or so you think… Already you are beginning to become a “tween” and my heart aches knowing that this phase of your childhood is coming to a close soon.
Last week I was going through some old videos and found some of you when you were little. You could have been in magazines. With you pink cheeks, shiny blond curls, perfect white teeth and big brown eyes. You were, and still are, such a pretty girl. I know I don’t tell you that often, I don’t want it to go to your head and I know you hear that from other people a lot. I do think you are beautiful sweetie. More so than I could ever put into words. And yet you are as beautiful on the inside as you are on the outside and THAT is what matters most all. We have talked about that many, many times. I think you really do understand what that means. I worry sometimes that because you are such a beautiful girl, that you will let the world tell you that your physical beauty is all that matters. Please remember that it is not. You have inside of you the most beautiful thing of all…you have a heart for Christ and a sweet, gentle spirit He has given you. THAT matters more than all the riches or beautiful things this world could ever give to you sweetie.
In the next few years you will be so confused sometimes. You will not understand the cruelty or demands of your friends and you might not always want to be the person you have always been inside. My prayer for you is that you will never forget what matters most. Be true to yourself and honor what you know is right in your heart. If you can do that my love, then you will be beautiful in a way that is rarer than anything else in this world. I want you to know that your daddy and I will ALWAYS be here for you. No. Matter. What. You have already learned that even if you get into trouble, we will always love you and be here for you. That will always be true. When you feel scared, alone, disliked or unhappy, I will listen sweetie. I will always listen and be here for you. Both of us will. Never forget that. I know you hear me say this a lot but its important. Never forget that. You are a prayer warrior already Alyssa. Keep praying, for yourself and for others the way you do now. If you do, you will always find your way because God will show you the way and listen to your heart. I know that your prayers will be answered.
You are such a treasure. Your bright smile brings smiles to others. Everyone always says to me how they love to see you smile. You light up the halls at school with that bright smile. You have had some hard times, grief and pain in your short life already. I sometimes worry that you have internalized so much of it. I hope it will only serve to help you see that strength comes through adversity. One day you will understand what that really means. You are so strong already Alyssa. You have already overcome SO much in your short time here on earth. And even through it all you are still sunshine and sweetness to those around you. You have a gentle heart; a loving spirit and you are so gifted. Your creativity and art are amazing and your art work brings joy to others. My prayer for you is that you will use these gifts, as God wants you to in life. He gave them to you and He will continue to guide you and show you how you can use them if you seek His will.
I can remember when you were so little and we would cover the floor with blankets and towels and pull out paint an art supplies. It was the only time you would be sit and focus on something and be still. That’s still true for you. Art is part of who you are, it centers you and helps you focus and express yourself. Sometimes you have a hard time sharing how you feel in words. You are sometimes shy and sometimes don’t want to talk about your feelings. Just remember that you can always express yourself through your art sweetie. Don’t ever hold it all inside. Your inner beauty and emotions come out in your gifts through art.
I am so proud of how hard you have worked in school and how helpful you are becoming at home. You are learning that work is part of life, and I know you don’t like it but I want you to be proud of how well you are doing. Your hard work is building your character and who you will be when you grow up one day. You do good work and it matters. I am proud of you. Thank you for working hard, even when you don’t want to. I know its hard for you to think that it makes that much difference right now because you are so young. It will make a difference one day sweet girl. One day you will be strong and independent and able to take care of yourself because of the life lessons you learn now as a child. Your daddy and I want you to be ready and able to take care of yourself so sometimes the lessons we sometimes have to teach you are hard ones. One day you will understand that they are as hard for us to teach you as they are for you to learn them. We are learning as we go as well. As you wrote the title of your first song “Life is hard.” J Yes, sometimes it is.
You have already entered an age where you want to play with your dolls one day and play in make up the next. Let yourself do both while you can. You can be a little girl as long as you want to. You will have your whole life to be grown up. You are already such a complex creature. Do you know what that means? I think it means that you are truly a girl, soon to be young lady. You are not extreme in any area, just so…complex. I think it started before birth even. You were a bundle of energy the whole time I carried you in my belly. You did gymnastics in there the WHOLE time. I used to talk to you, soothe you, and sing to you all the time and you would calm down. You were early by a couple of weeks and in quite a hurry to get here. Yet when you finally arrived you were quiet as a mouse. You did not scream or yell, nearly scaring us to death. You hardly ever cried unless you were sick. You came into the world quietly and with ease, and you changed our lives forever.
As squirmy and wiggly as you are at times, you are also quiet and serious. As giggly and silly as you are, you are also empathetic and soulful. You giggle and turn pink laughing at your daddy’s silliness and then you turn around cry sympathetic tears when your hear of someone else’s pain. You want someone to lay within reach of you at night when you get scared, but not too close. You are sharp and sensitive in the same breath. You are bouncing off the walls giddy and goofy one moment and then storming through the house yelling at your brother the next. Sometimes I think he doesn’t know if you are coming or going. [He loves you though. He adores you as you are. He will be the one boy on earth close to your age one day who understands you more than anyone else. I know its hard right now, but love him and treasure him Alyssa. One day he may be all you have left of us when we are gone.] One minute you are demanding and high maintenance, always asking for something more, then in the next minute you are praying your heart out earnestly for others in need and wanting to give them the shirt off your back. I am praying for a husband for you who will find you intriguing and love you as you are without trying to change you. Someone who can be sensitive and caring and yet firm and tenacious, just like you are! Sometimes you are magnificent in your complexity. I sometimes think that as opposite as your daddy and I are, you got an equal mix of each of us. Its really amazing and you sometimes leave us baffled in your wake saying “that was YOU” pointing at each other. I’m praying for someone who will stand up to you when you are demanding, and hold you close when you are hurting. I know God is preparing him out there somewhere (I think he probably got started early on him… just kidding!).
In all sincerity, I pray he will see the beauty inside of you first and foremost. Many boys will see the beauty you are on the outside, my prayer is that the boy you marry will see the amazingly beautiful person you are inside, and treasure you for that beauty. My wish for you is for you to marry someone who loves you like your daddy does, selflessly and wholly. Take my word for it. Don’t accept anything less. You don’t deserve anything less, ever.
I don’t think I have ever seen your daddy more proud than he was (and still is) of you when you were born. You are his heart. He had wanted a boy when we first found out we were pregnant, did you know that? When we found out we were having a girl, he had to think long and hard about that. Once you came he never looked back. I remember the day we got you home, he was changing your diaper (he actually changed your first diaper!) and he was talking to you. You were watching him, rapt, and he was saying: “I don’t know what I was thinking…who wants stinky ole boys? My friends don’t know what they are missing. A girl can do anything.” He was right. You can do anything. He has never, ever wished otherwise.
You are so totally your daddy’s little girl. I could be jealous at the special bond you two share, but you know what? I am also a daddy’s girl and I know how special that feeling is. There is NOTHING that compares to being a daddy’s girl. Knowing your daddy can pick you up and hold you tight and make the world right again. That he will always be there, no matter what, and make you laugh and giggle again. A daddy always knows what looks right, what feels right and how to make a girl smile, even through tears. I am so thankful that you have this with your daddy. It’s a gift I could never give to you myself, except through your daddy. Treasure that bond sweetie. I know that your daddy does. His heart squeezes just watching you grow each day knowing each passing day you are becoming a young lady. You can be a daddy’s girl LONG after you leave home. Take it from me. I know. I still am a daddy’s girl. Your daddy loves me and YOU like my daddy does, with all his heart. Don’t ever forget that baby.
You have one more year of single digits. One more. I can’t believe how big you are. I love you SO much Alyssa. You are my sweet girl and that is how I will always think of you. I look forward to the young woman you will become and for all the fun times we will share together as “the girls” but for now, I’m going to enjoy the time I have left of you being my little girl. This time is slipping away fast and will be gone soon. In my heart of hearts, you will always be that sweet, chubby cheeked, curly blond headed angel who taught me what motherhood was. That I could survive hard times and sleepless nights and still do more than I ever dreamed possible inside 24hours. Having you and Levi has taught me and your daddy more about life and love and happiness and what matters most than anything else ever could. Thank you for being you.
I love you.
~Mama
I used to sing this to you when you were little to the tune of “Kookaburra sits in an old oak tree”
Lyssaboo, Lyssaboo
Mommy loves you
Lyssaboo, Lyssaboo
Daddy does too
Laugh, Lyssaboo,
Laugh, Lyssaboo, and
Sleep tonight for me….. J
Alyssa at "almost" 2
Alyssa at "almost" 9
2-23-12
So today on Pinterest I see this....how very timely in light of this letter. :) God knows....
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